#growth > _"Who are you?"_ said the Caterpillar. > > This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. > > Alice replied, rather shyly, _"I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then."_ >     ― [_Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland_](https://www.gutenberg.org/files/11/11-h/11-h.htm), by Lewis Carroll These few sentences are the critical piece of my belief system that allows me to forgive myself. It turns out that forgiving yourself is one of the hardest things to do. And this philosophy is the crux of it. Who I was when I woke up this morning is not the same person I am now. I've had new experiences since then, and because I've had new experiences, I will act differently based on them. But not all experiences are equal; some are more pivotal than others. The sour kiwi I ate for breakfast is going to make me dump three spoonfuls of sugar on my next one, but that sour experience will have very little affect on my non-kiwi-related life. This philosophy - that I am not the same person I was when I did the thing I wish I would have done differently - allows me to shed the [[Rewrite Your Stories|labels]] I put on myself when I did that thing. I'm allowed to forgive myself - my [[No Zero Days|past self]] - because who I am now is not the same person as I was back then. The second critical step to forgiving myself is identifying what I will do differently the next time based on my new experiences. I have to step back out of the situation, look at myself critically and honestly, and know that I (my past self) did something I don't want to do again, and decide what I will do differently next time. Sometimes it's obvious - like spoonfuls of sugar on the kiwi - but other times I don't know what I would do differently. Sometimes I just don't have the skills to know or do better, and that's when forgiving myself is hardest. I have to go figure out what I will do differently next time before I can make a logical differentiation between who I was before and who I am now. But that moment - when I know what I will do differently next time - is the moment when forgiving myself becomes real. These days I [[Trust|trust]] myself, knowing that the next time I get into a similar situation I will handle it better. This trust in myself, the shedding of "I am" labels, and the differentiation between my past self and my present self is enough to truly forgive myself. There are a few other extraordinarily helpful pieces. Sometimes it's enough to just know that you want to do something differently next time, even if you don't know what to do differently. Because you now know to acknowledge, to yourself or others, that you want to handle it differently but aren't sure how to. Often you can make it up on the spot, but sometimes you get into the situation and still don't know what to do. Rather than doing the same thing again, you can just say, "look, I don't know what to do here" and explain your intentions. It takes courage to say those words, admitting you don't know, but that alone goes a long ways. And while you may not get it 100% right, it will be a lot better than making the mistake again. The ability to walk into the same situation that my past self handled so poorly last time and not worry about it comes when I trust my future self. When I trust my future self, I know that I will handle the situation differently next time, and that is enough. Just this simply knowing is enough to forgive my present self for the sins of my past self, and let the guilt wash away. Here are some powerful words: _"You did the best you could with the knowledge and experiences you had. Now that you know differently, you'll act differently in the future."_ These words are incredibly powerful - both to say to yourself and to other people - because they alleviate the guilt of the situation, show that you believe in the other person and that they will do a good job next time. So as I go through the process of forgiving myself, my [[Rewrite Your Stories|story changes]] from "I am an idiot for not realizing that the kiwi was going to be sour, and I am an idiot about many other things" to "next time I'm going to buy squishier/riper kiwis" to "now that I know that hard kiwis are sour, I trust myself to make a different decision in the future, whatever that decision is when the time comes".