#growth Never apologize out of guilt. It should be very rare that you have to apologize, so if you apologize a lot, mostly stop doing it. Apologizing unjustly does three negative things: 1. It demonstrates a lack of respect for yourself. 2. It says that you do not trust the other person to be able to handle what you said. 3. It forces the other person to say "that's okay" and shifts the guilt from you to them. "Stop worrying about what I may want and tell me what you want." That's attractive, not just to your partner, but to everyone. People can trust you when you say what you want. ([[You Can't Trust a 'Yes' Until You Get a 'No'|You cant trust a Yes until you get a No]].) One time a friend of my was 10 minutes late to hanging out. Last time we'd met up I told her to stop apologizing. And this time she didn't apologize for being late. I interpreted the lack of an apology, even though it was her fault she was late, as a sign that was taking care of her own needs, and she didn't prioritize mine over hers. And I'm happy for her that she took the time to take care of herself, because I know that she respects me and my time and she wouldn't have been late unless she needed to be. <!--Similar: You explain yourself to someone else only because you care more about their opinion of you than you do about your opinion of yourself. (This is not true, you can explain yourself to someone in order to take care of them.)-->